just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
