Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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