He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pooping to opera.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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