I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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