Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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