first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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