I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
