Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
