he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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