Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
