You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
