Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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