i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.