I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.