I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can't talk, ducks in the car