i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...