Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?