so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
