I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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