he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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