guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize