The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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