fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The best revenge is premature balding
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
