rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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