never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
