turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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