He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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