whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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