when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
