My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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