I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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