My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
