Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
