I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
