I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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