Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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