so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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