i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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