i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
