Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
