So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize
