jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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