I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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