I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
