my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
