I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
