Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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