I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
