She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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