oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
