Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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