Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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