im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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