is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
