I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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