i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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