Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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