I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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